Double Shot

So today I have to wish my sweet Josh a very HAPPY BIRTHDAY! Let me share a few things about Josh . . .

I have never been able to relate to parents who have rowdy boys. Josh has mostly been a gentle sweet boy, who doesn't like getting dirty or acting crazy. He likes to WATCH the crazies.

He is so gentle, that even though we have tried as hard as we can to get him fired up, he refuses. His football coach tried EVERYTHING to get him to hit hard, but he doesn't want to hurt anybody - Except his sisters.

He is smart but lazy - not a good combination!!! He has an amazing memory, but likes to use it mostly to dazzle us with his knowledge of world records, and other useless facts.

He gets along with pretty much anyone. He is great to play with his younger cousins and siblings without much prodding. He is a friend to anyone and never cares who or what is "cool."

He loves music. He started playing the trumpet this year and picked it up FAST! He plays a mean piano and can't wait to start playing his uncle Marks' saxophone next year.

He is hilarious. When he was in second grade, his teacher told me that she always made remarks in class that ONLY Josh understood. At first, she didn't think anyone got her sarcasm, but she kept catching Josh laughing and decided she better be careful. Nothing gets past him.

Erik REALLY wanted to name Josh  Q Rasmussen. I was almost delirious enough to let it happen, but my meds must have started wearing off.

What a blessing he is in our lives - we got to test all of our crazy first time parenting on such a good sport -
 Love that boy!


On to more serious news, I went for a follow up with my doctor today.  She was so great at explaining everything to me in greater detail and giving me some much needed peace. I have definitely come to terms with this disease and all its ramifications these last few weeks. It has been so much to take in, but things are finally settling down and sinking in.

 She told me in no uncertain terms that a liver transplant WOULD be happening in my future. That hit me like a ton of bricks, but I needed to hear it, Anyway, there is a PSC scale that determines when a person is ready for a transplant, so she added up all my numbers. (I don't understand what the numbers are exactly, but think of liver enzymes, prior liver damage, bilirubin levels, etc.)  40 is the highest number on the scale and with that number you have about 30 days to live without a new liver - YIKES!  Right now I am at a 6 - which is great, I think. Things are moving slowly, and most of my symptoms have subsided for now.

 I walked out of the liver clinic and saw a little girl, maybe nine months old hooked up to tubes and as yellow as a lemon. I watched her mom play and talk with her while she waited for her hundredth appointment. I felt so selfish. I have lived such a great life and experienced so many things that this girl will never see. I am strong and healthy and have so many more years left to spend with my family. I feel like I've suffered so little compared to some of the people I see when I walk into this office. I want to hug them and tell them it will be ok, but I know it might not be. It is such a hard thing to accept that we are not in control of what happens in this life. I feel blessed to know that Heavenly Father is in control and he knows what I can handle, and he knows what I am still able to give. I have to stop and remember that I knew what I was in for before I came here, and I bet I didn't hesitate. I know the same is true for that little lemony girl from this morning, and for all of us! I have to trust him and do my best to live the best life I can while I am still able. I see Hawaii in my future.