Dear Body,
I know I shouldn't, but I hate you. You are defiant and uncooperative. You are freakishly tall and have no calves and your head is kinda big. You remind me of a large tree stump.
I have given you everything a body could want: Cupcakes, beef jerky, Pepsi, and red hots. This made you turn on me, so I have punished you with awkward attempts at exercise and healthy eating. Again, I am a victim of your defiance and your outright REFUSAL to surrender. When i asked a mutual friend, the scale, to give me your weight this morning, I was informed that you had packed on SEVEN pounds. SEVEN. For nine weeks I have worked hard. I have made you sweat and throw up to no avail.
I have been forced to work out next to perverted older men who stand behind me while I run. I have watched the Price is Right day in and day out to appease the old woman on the stationary bike. I have secretly called my workout buddy bad names in my head because her body listens. I fake concern when I hear my husband complain about "losing too much weight" as he cinches the belt around his 30 inch waist.
We are at an impasse. I don't know how, but I will win.
Your truly,
The Brains
5 comments:
Hahahahah.....I hate to say "LOL", but maybe "hahahahahaha" is just as annoying. Either way you made me laugh...out loud. I feel the same way. And Joey is complaining about the same thing as Erik too because he sits at a desk all day and can't work out as much as he would like...AND THAT MAKES HIM LOSE WEIGHT?! I am headed to the gym in half an hour and it is so hard to keep going and work your butt off....or at least go at all when you see no improvement. Blurg.
Also, I found a good site for workouts that I can do without Joey's help. It is muscleandstrength.com. Click on workouts and you can choose all over routines or just focus on specific parts. I like it cause it's intense, but not too girly so I look kind of like I know what I'm doing. And my body hurts after. And continues to look as if it just had a baby last week.
I'm dying over this post....too funny :) Are you taking measurements instead of looking at the number on the scale? It's seven pounds of newly developed muscle that is going to surprise you soon and pop out. I am your witness to how diligently you have been working out. You know you secretly like the pervert in the jeans and sweat shirt watching you. And next time feel free to say the bad names to my face....I can handle it :)You are beautiful and look great!
Maybe you are sleep walking and eating at night.
Do you have a messy face when you wake up?
Blah blah blah...new post.
(Haha...that is an actual comment you left on my blog a few years ago. How rude. Now update.)
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