Guilt.

Guilt is a terrible thing.

I've had mommy guilt, sibling guilt, daughter guilt, wife guilt, friend guilt.... I actually have guilt for not being fit since Erik is a ripped gym rat who happens to be a personal trainer. I am constantly explaining to people that I don't use the gym, even if they don't ask.
I've had them all.

The guilt that comes from being sick is a new one. I feel it a lot on the weekends, especially weekends like this. My kids were so happy to have a break from school, and I really needed a break from my 15 hour work week. We watched everybody flee the scene of this sleepy town for adventure, while we stayed home. I have never been one to travel anyway, but there was always the obligatory trip to Lagoon, or a weekend in St. George to break things up. I did not have a good week, and Erik is teaching a  Saturday class, so we have been stuck here on the weekends.  Insert guilty feelings here.

I noticed myself doing something terrible this weekend. I couldn't sleep, and kept waking up in the middle of the night with that feeling.  GUILT.  My husband is shouldering too much, he deserves something better. My kids aren't having much fun. My house is a mess, and no one is getting dinner. It is literally stealing my peace.

I think it's making me sicker. Is that possible?? I feel anxiety when I dwell on it, and my guilt gives me anxiety. What??? I want to learn how to let these overwhelming feelings of guilt go. If this was a self help blog, I could give great coping skills to myself, but alas, this is only a place for me to complain. I love what Elder  Bednar said about this.

Guilt is to the spirit,
What pain is to the body.

My goal for the week is to feel better. Body and spirit.
And maybe to hit that gym!!