Today has been a struggle. I seem to have a hard time keeping my thoughts to myself, so if you don't want to be dragged to the depths of Hell with me, you should STOP READING NOW.
I have been struggling with still undiagnosed illness and it is wearing on me. I love the typing all my symptoms into random websites just to see what might be brewing. I have been up almost everynight for the last 2 weeks playing this silly game with terrifying results. I always get mad at my mom for doing the same thing, but I guess the worrying is genetic.
I have had a few days where I felt like I was turning a corner and feeling better, but then I have a day like today. I woke up VERY frustrated that I still can't sleep because I am itchy. I am crabby because I can't eat the foods that I want to eat and I have to scrounge to find something that will be acceptable. I want my kids to UNDERSTAND what I am going through and say, "Mom, what can we do for you today??" I want to go to the grocery store and not have people stare at my GLOWING YELLOW EYES.
I look at people who are overweight and unhealthy but seem to go through life with minimal health problems. I see meth heads EVERYWHERE I go and wonder if they feel better than I do. I guess I feel like life is unfair. I want the security of knowing that I will grow old with my husband and will see my kids grow up and get married, but I know that isn't how life works.
Of course I can look around and see people who's lives are MUCH harder than mine - I am not totally self absorbed, just having a bad day. How can I beat these blues?????
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2 comments:
Your freaking me out......STOP IT! Your not going to die, I don't think your going to diagnose yourself so maybe you should just see a whole bunch of different doctors until you get an answer. Jackson found a bony bump on my head and now him and the internet have convinced me I have cancer. It happens.
You can beat the blues by spending time with me!!!
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